Confessions of a Teenage Vault Hunter
by dinocade
Summary: Gaige recalls and tells about her time spent with the other Vault Hunters. RATED T For Mild Language/Adult Themes.
1. Chapter 1

What was it like to be a Vault Hunter? Not easy, a lot of the time. You're out there, risking your life and hoping to god you'll find more ammo! You're getting beaten up and watching your friends get beaten up and it's hard.

And then you die. You've died lots of times before. It almost seemed routine now – which was scary. Dying shouldn't be normal.

But each time you get regenerated, and you hear Hyperion's stupid message, you don't feel...well, the way you'd expect to. You don't feel strange and sick or annoyed or frustrated. You feel a rush of excitement, you feel reborn, you feel ready to take down the assholes who took you down! And you charge forward, guns firing, and you win. You feel hardcore as fuck and - !

"Gaige, a little help over here!"

You blink, leaving your delusional monologue to see your friends, lying on the ground.

"Shit! Sorry, Axton!" You rush over, helping him up, and watching him run to Maya. You get Zer0, and as you do so, Maya gets Salvador. Axton helps Kreig.

It was kind of awesome, the teamwork you guys had.

"Shall we go collect the reward? Or would you like to lollygag a bit more?" Maya asks you, dead serious.

"I said I was sorry, jeez!"

She cracks a smile, and begins to laugh. "I'm just messing with you! Come on." With a wave of her hand, everyone follows behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

The gang sat within Moxxi's bar, drinking their minds away.

You watch Maya put her arm around Kreig, as they bust out in slurred laughter about God knows what. Axton attempts to flirt with Moxxi, and she flirts back. But it doesn't mean much. Moxxi flirts with everyone. Salvador is wasting money at the slot machines, earning nothing but guns he'd never use. You sigh, taking a sip from your juice box – Don't laugh! Juice boxes were the shit.

Yeah, the only one who wasn't drunk out of their minds, besides you, was Zer0. He just sat across from you, not really saying much of anything. Back when you first met, he kind of creeped you out. But now, he seemed as normal as anyone else, which was saying a lot.

"Do you wish to go? Our friends are quite the hassle. It's best they rest soon."

That haiku thing was weird as fuck, but also really cool.

"Yeah, I guess we should round them up." You sigh, finishing your juice before tossing it, walking over to Axton, who let out a 'Hey!' as you dragged him away from Moxxi.

"Come on, Lover Boy. We're heading home for the night."

"Gaaiige, don't get in the way of mmmmy flirting. I had a reaaal chance with her."

You roll your eyes. Drunken moron.

Zer0 somehow managed to get Kreig and Maya, and was walking out with them. Salvador was the only one left. You drag Axton over to where he was.

"Salvador, we're heading out!" You yell, over the blaring music that played repetitively.

"I'M getting loud? Have you seen everyone else in here?" He asks, yelling just as loud.

"No! I said we're heading out!" You point towards the door.

"Gaige, you've got to be more clear!"

"Forget it!" You sigh, walking out with Axton. Zer0 and your other drunken companions were nowhere in sight. How did he work so effectively?

Axton sighs loudly, and you jump, forgetting he was there.

"Arenn't the staars beaaauutiful?" He drags out every word, so much, that you wonder if he's half faking. What a drama queen.

But you look up too, and you smile. "Yeah, they're pretty awesome."

He sits down on the curb, and you take a seat beside him. An awkward silence fills the air.

"I miss my wife."

"Oh..." You'd never been good at these things. "Axton, um, I've never met her but – It seems like you're doing really great without her. Like, you're better off. She doesn't deserve a guy as great as you."

"Yeah, ssshe does. She deserves better."

"Uh, okay. Whatever you say. But seriously, you can find a girl way better."

"Yyyou think so?"

"I know so."

He hugs you, and you blink, before smiling and returning the gesture.

"Let's get you home."


	3. Chapter 3

You walk down a deserted hallway, with ceiling lights flickering, a chilling breeze coming through, well, seemingly nothing. There were no windows or doors, and the end of the hallway was nowhere, just a horizon of never ending tiles and lights. You were afraid. Where were you? What was going on? Why did -

"MY SHOES ARE SOAKED IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!"

You're awoken suddenly, by Kreig's yelling. You want to be afraid or angry, but you end up laughing as you watch him flail about in front of Maya, seemingly trying to convey some type of message to her. Clearly it wasn't working.

She eyed you from across the room.

"Good morning. Or should I say, afternoon."

You sit up, yawning and stretching your arms, before blinking, only now registering her words.

"Wait, whaaat? I did /not/ sleep that long." You say, standing up suddenly.

"Actually, sweetheart, you did." Axton calls from across the room, where he's upgrading his turret. You watch him for a moment, before walking over, impressed with his handiwork.

"Hey, do you care if I share your space for a bit? Gotta repair DT."

"Sure thing." He clears a space, and continues working. You summon DT, and shut him down, beginning to take pieces of him apart, where you would add stronger armor – And better laser beams. Axton surprises you, as he suddenly speaks.

"So, let me get this straight – He only got third place in the Science Fair?" Axton says, a tone of combined humor and disbelief.

You look away from your robot, giving him a dead serious look.

"I know right."

"Un-fucking-believable." He says, letting out a roaring laugh. The two of you finish up, walking over to the other side of the room, where Maya's speaking in hushed tones, a huge grin on her face.

"What's going on over here?" Axton asks, and Maya bursts into laughter.

"What is it?" Gaige asks, blinking in confusion. Maya attempts to contain her laughter, and finally is able to. She calms down.

"Alright, alright – So, Salvador says, 'Guys, check out these big guns!'," She pauses to laugh some more, "And I say...That's what she said!" She continues laughing, and Salvador joins her. Zer0 stays silent, and Kreig is mumbling incoherent, overly descriptive death threats to himself.

And all of a sudden, Axton's laughing too, and you can't help joining them. The joke wasn't even good. But something about the way he laughed – It was contagious.

God. You couldn't believe you guys were Vault Hunters.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello, my _illustrious _guests! And welcome to... The best tea party evah!"

You walk into Tiny Tina's humble abode, along with everyone else. The place was decorated just for the occasion! Lacey tablecloth's, covered in gunpowder and...was that blood? She invites you all to your assigned seats – You're in between Kreig and Salvador. Beside Kreig was Maya, and next to her, Axton. Zer0 was next to Salvador. Oh, and of course, Sir Reginald and Princess Fluffybutt were there too. You all sipped your tea, which was pretty much lukewarm sugar water. You had to hand it to Tina, this was pretty decent...for her.

You look around, watching Maya make disgusted expressions as she drinks her tea. Axton nudges her, and you hear him whisper, 'What the hell is up with tea? It's like, leaf water'. You snicker at that, and continue looking around. Zer0 sat still, Kreig already broke his teacup, and Salvador was sneaking sips from his flask.

You watch Tina, in her workshop, flailing about and talking nonsense to herself.

"So many guests, so many goddamn guests!" She's turning in circles a little bit too quickly. You're getting dizzy just watching, "Okaay. Okay. Calm yo'self, girlfriend. This tea party gonna be chill as ICE." With that, she steps out, holding platters of crumpets and cookies that all sported just a bit of mold. She sets them down, and takes her seat – between Reginald and Fluffybutt.

"Let's get this partay started." She says to herself, before blinking, and seeming to be in the same universe as the rest of you all for once.

"Welcome to...MY PARTAY." She says, and everyone says a quiet thank you. Well, not everyone. They all kind of seem to be dazed. What the hell was in the tea?

You push the teacup away, grabbing for one of the cookies, flicking off the moldy bits and taking a bite.

You swear you just chipped a tooth.

" - And before we begin, I have a request. Vault Hunters...BRING MORE GUESTS!" With that, she was hopping out of her seat, and running back into her workshop, where she sang something about eating babies alive.

Maya sighed, standing up, and reading through the Quest Log.

"Great. Well, let's go gather some bandits while she stalls."

Everyone sits up, preparing to do just that.


	5. Chapter 5

You summon DT with a wave of your cybernetic arm, meanwhile, continuing to shoot at a badass who was running towards Axton. You got a couple lucky shots, and he killed the one in front of him, finishing off the guy himself. Nice.

You watch as everyone attacks, finishing off the guys in what seem to be milliseconds. It's then that it happens. A ton of them pour in. Like, literally a ton.

"Guys, fall back!" You yell, as one of them manages to kill DT. You begin running, back towards Tiny Tina's place, and everyone else follows. Everyone else.

Once you've all made it inside, you watch, as suddenly, every one of them is sucked into the ventilation system. What the hell was she going to do with them all?

You all watch, as they're dropped, into a hole dug about fifteen feet underground. They're all yelling nonsense, as always, and Tina just giggled hysterically.

"WELCOME, TEA PARTY GUESTS!" She yells, over their yelling, somehow. It's really impressive.

"I SEE NONE OF YOU HAVE PICKED UP YOUR GIFT BAGS. SILLY. WHY, LOOK, HERE THEY ARE. LET ME GIVE THEM TO YOU."

She throws multiple party bags down the hole, each one, letting off an explosion and splatters of blood. You wince. This girl didn't play. After a while, she runs out of gift bags to throw, but no one really seems alive enough for it to matter. You all return to her workshop, where she looks particularly pleased with herself.

"Thanks, vault hunters! I've been wantin' to try out these new bombs FOREVA. Here, take some." And with that, you've all earned some. Good day, great day.

You spend the rest of the afternoon pretending to sip the tea that was probably just poison water, laughing as Maya makes every 'That's what she said' joke she can, and debating with Axton and Salvador about what brand of guns were the best. But all of you stopped as you noticed something, even Zer0 seemed fascinated by it -

Tina, and Kreig were...Communicating? At least, he was spewing nonsense and she replied as she would to any sane person.

Finally, after what felt like minutes but was probably seconds of everyone gawking, Maya walked forward.

"Wait – You understand what he's saying?"

"Uh, yeah. It ain't that hard, homie. You just gotta listen."

"Well, what's he saying then!"

Tina giggles, and whispers something in Maya's ear, which causes her to stand up straight and walk back to us, a look of discomfort on her face.

"Let's head back?" She suggests, a tone in her voice you couldn't really read.

Uh, what.


	6. Chapter 6

"Listen carefully, mouth breathers of the world – this is Patricia Tannis, and I have found another vault! As you may know, the opening of the first vault, five years ago, triggered a chain reaction that revealed more -"

You all listen quietly, and you jump, startled, as Tannis is suddenly interrupted.

"BOOOORRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGG. You don't wanna hear about that, Vault Hunter! You wanna hear about LOOT, and PECKS! And EXPLOSIONS! I'm Torgue, and I'm here to ask you one question, and one question only – EXPLOSIONS?"

You look to Axton, grinning. He looks confused. Not that you aren't, but still, this sounded awesome!

"Get off this echo frequency, you protein guzzling baffoon! I'm trying to convey-"

"THAT SENTENCE HAD TWO MANY SYLLABLES! APOLOGIZE!"

"AS I was saying, I've discovered that this new vault is buried in the center of a large crater and will only open, and I quote, "Once the champion of Pandora feeds it the blood of the ultimate coward.","

"WE AT THE TORGUE CORPORATION SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT IS F***CKING AWSOME!"

You giggle as he's bleeped out.

"IT'S SO AWESOME THAT WE'RE GONNA SET UP A TOURNAMENT TO FIND THIS 'NUMBER ONE BADASS'. IF YOU WANT IN, COME TO WHERE THE VAULT IS BURIED – IN THE BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE!"

"That's NOT what the area is called! -"

"BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE."

Patricia sighs, and the echo frequency cuts out. You all begin walking forward. The dark blue sky shines down upon the land. You enter through the gateway, covered in flashing lights, the wall beside it having the word 'TORGUE' painted on the side. As you do so, Torgue continues speaking through the frequency.

"Welcome to the Badass Crater of Badassitude, badass! This is Mister Torgue, broadcastin' to you from deep orbit! If you're here, that means you wanna win our tournament, open a Vault, and earn the title of Number one Badass!"

You look to your friends, smiling with what might just be an overwhelming amount of confidence. But maybe not. They looked excited too. Well, Maya and Salvador did. Kreig was just...Being Kreig. You didn't have a clue what Zer0 was thinking. And Axton? Well, he looked somewhat nervous. You decide you'll ask him what's up later.

"Now, before you get started, you gotta digitally sign our legal waver!"

You all walk up to the contraption, clicking the button. It begins twitching with electricity. You all back up, and suddenly, it explodes! And now, you're kind of on fire. You yell in agony, even though you've experienced it before. It goes away soon enough, and looking beside you, Axton got hit too. Once the two of you are alright, you continue forward.

"Just kidding! F*CK THE LEGAL WAVER! You're in TORGUE LAND now, sucker! Just head to the arena, while I play you a sick guitar solo!"

You all continue forward, waiting in suspense, and suddenly -

"MEEDLYMEEDLYMEEOLYMOWWWWWWW!"

And with that, a shit ton of skags are up ahead. So, you all sprint forward, guns a blazing! You manage to wipe them all out within a few minutes, not too many scratches either.

"Hell yeah!" Axton says, hand up high. You high-five him, grinning. You notice Maya winking at you, but decide not to take note of it.

Walking over to the Catch-A-Ride machine, your vehicle spawns, and you all get inside. Maya was driving, Kreig in the gunner seat. You, Axton, Salvador, and Zer0 crowded into the back, and drove towards the arena.

This was gonna be off the chain.


	7. Chapter 7

The breeze blows your hair from where you sit in the back, Zer0 at your side, Salvador across from you, and Axton next to him. You all remain quiet for the most part, listening up as Torgue echoes in again.

"Right now, you're ranked fifty in the badass leaderboards, which puts you behind my grandma but ahead of a guy she gummed to death. IT TOOK SEVERAL HOURS."

You watch as Axton winces, making a more than slightly disturbed facial expression.

"If you want to open that Vault, you got to rise in the leaderboard! Also, you need a sponsor for MOTHERF*CKIN' LEGAL REASONS! Get to the arena and we'll set you up with one!"

With that, Maya parks the car, and does her sweet ass ninja flippy thing. The rest of you get out as well, continuing forward. And, surely enough, you're being attacked right away. Nothing you can't handle, just a bunch of loser enemy dudes. Once you've cleared them out, Torgue returns,

"I probably shoulda set you up with a sponsor beforehand but I am F*CKIN' DISORGANIZED AS SH*T and was busy suplexing a shark wearing a bolo tie when I should have been setting up sponsors. You may ask, 'Who was wearing the bolo tie, you or the shark?'. Answer: YES."

"I was going to complain about him not getting us a sponsor yet, but now I have to know, seriously, which one of them _was _wearing the bolo tie?" Maya asks, her signature stoic face becoming a wide grin.

"I say it was the shark. That's how he said it, 'A shark wearing a bolo tie.'," Axton declared, crossing his arms.

"No way! He was totally the one. And you're wrong, Mister. He said, 'A shark, wearing a bolo tie _when I should have been setting up sponsors_," You say, glaring at Axton in a way that was completely and quite obviously fake. You were bad at faking anger. Probably because you were so good at ACTUALLY being angry. And actually being happy. You know, when you were. Like right now, "We don't know WHERE the comma was, JS!"

"What the hell does JS mean?"

"Let me clarify/I think she means 'Just Saying'/It's an acronym," Zer0 says, speaking up for the first time in quite a while.

You don't have time to laugh, because as you take a few steps forward, [sigh], OF COURSE, there's more enemies.

Motherfucker.

"Go get 'em, bot!" You say, summoning Death Trap. He flies forward, smacking some dumbass in his bitch face! HAHA. He was fantastic.

"Ada boy!" You're grinning, as you help finish off the rest – And you can't help but notice that you've earned a couple more stacks. Seriously. How many could you get?

You're all walking again, and of course, Torgue's back.

"You may have noticed that everyone here's trying to kill you. Torgue personnel included. You're WELCOME. I didn't want you to get bored so I was like, 'F*ck it, give everybody guns!'. We've lost like half our workforce in three days, but who gives a F*CK?"

You're all kind of stunned and amused and it's fantastic. You didn't really know who this guy was, but you seriously liked him.

You all walk forward, only to see one of the creepiest looking dudes ever.

"You are now in the presence of greatness."

None of you really say anything to that, so, you move on, just to hear him echocasting.

"Piston's talking to you, baby. I'm pressed with how you're handling yourself out there, Vault Hunter. I hear you need a sponsor, and as it so happens, I need a new apprentice. Come find me at the arena – Just follow the succulent scent of success."

And you all stop, as suddenly, you're watching this shit:

"Piston, what would you say to those who accuse you of cheating – Of rigging fights to gain your number one ranking?"

He laughs, his voice deep and terrifying, replying with, "Well, Jeffery, I guess I'd have to do THIS." And with that, oh. The dude's dead.

Well shit.

" - And then I'd tell them to NEVER! CALL! ME! A! CHEATER!" Aaaand now, he's kicking the dude's dead body, "And you can quote me on that."

You lean towards Axton, and you ask, in a terrified whisper, "_Who the fuck is this guy?" _

You pretty much accept the mission, and he says something along the lines of, 'Yeah! Let's go in there and kill everyone and open the Vault together!'. Though, the only thing you really get out of it is from Torgue, who says:

"IS IT JUST ME OR DOES IT SEEM LIKE HE'S GONNA BETRAY THE F*CK OUTTA YOU?"

Yeeaaah. Pretty much.

The six of you dash up the ramp, to the Fast Travel Station, and select the Torgue Arena.

Here goes nothing, right?


	8. Chapter 8

You take in your surroundings as you enter the arena. The walls and floors and entire apparatus were a remarkable shade of blue. There were ammo-stocked vending machines, as usual. And, like the border outside, there's flashing lights, and the walls have the 'TORGUE' emblem painted on them. You're distracted, though, as Piston echoes in.

"Now, usually your first match would be against a single opponent, but I thought: eh. Instead, you're gonna be fighting a few dozen chumps called the Horde of Horrors. Now, I could kick their asses with both pecs tied behind my back, but you'll want to take it easy."

So, with that, you stand in front of the main door to the arena. You look around at the others, but none of them return your gaze. They're all just staring forward, looks of unsureness upon them. Except for Maya, who was grinning in a way that was kind of really creepy.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like our next combatant has arrived! Does the Vault Hunter have what it takes to survive the Appetite for Destruction round? I think we all know the answer: MAAAAAAAYBEEE. The rules are simple. Use the provided loot and kill everybody! The last fighter standing is a bonafide badass!" Torgue yells through the echo frequency, "Go to the center of the arena when you're ready to start!"

The shutter door opens, and you step forward. The arena's pretty big. There's some waist high cover here and there, some loot chests. It was pretty cool. Aaaaand the audience is huuuge!

So cool.

You reach the center, and Torgue starts up again,

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for: The Horde of Horros VS the Vault Hunter! FIGHT!"

And with that, they're all over the place! You jump forward, blasting your double barreled shotgun at one of the assholes. When you reach the ground, he's running towards you, but another shot does the trick.

"Booyah!" You yell, turning around and watching for a moment. Maya's already phaselocking one of them, and shooting repeatedly. Krieg's running around like a maniac, but he's doing pretty awesome, taking out, like, a lot of guys. Salvador's gunzerking – And Zer0's whole disappeary ninja thing – So cool. And then there's Axton, with his turret and his E-Tech Sniper Rifle, taking out the ones who were only just entering the arena.

"Wave complete, but don't get too comfortable," Torgue shouts over the audience, "Next wave, bitches!"

"Wha...?" You whisper, mostly to yourself.

You look around as everyone begins firing again, restarting their action skills and switching out guns. You stand there like an idiot and -

Oh. Here was you, getting shot in the back.

That's what you get for not paying attention.

You let out a yell, before summoning Death Trap, and rushing forward, switching out the shotgun for your rocket launcher. Oh, this would be _amazing! _Ahahahaha!

"Take this, you ugly mother -" You're cut off by the intense kick and even more intense sound of the thing. It blasts, sending you backwards a few feet, and the guy you hit as well. Yeah, he was dead.

Unfortunately, you run out of ammo, like, really fast. Laaame. You switch it out for your incendiary assault rifle and begin firing rapidly, and you're caught off guard as you hear Piston -

"Holy crap, are you still fighting those idiots? You're gonna have to pick up the pace if you wanna be Piston's partner."

This kind of pisses you off, more than a little bit. You take out your SMG, and grin as you kill, well, tons of guys. You let out some maniacal laughter, yelling, "Die!"

What. You're not creepy.

"Another wave down, better get some ammo!" You run towards the center, to one of the ammo dispensers, grabbing some before rushing back to your original spot. On the way up, you pass Axton, and the two of you automatically know to high five. It's hella cool, "It's time for another wave!"

With Torgue's announcement of that, you rush to the center, peering through the scope on your SMG, and trying to figure out where most of them were coming from. You see a ton coming from the left, so you begin firing.

"I am the strongest girl alive!" You shout, beginning to collect, well, a lot of stacks. Stackage was fantastic, alright? Like, seriously, who needs accuracy? For real? Not you.

You see that Krieg's down, in fight for your life, and you're about to go help him, when you see Maya sending out a phaselock revive. He gets up, and shouts, "I'LL MAKE MEAT BICYCLES FOR THE PRETTY LADY!" You swear you catch Maya giggle, and, well, it was kind of rad. Watching them interact was always interesting. For one main reason: You guys all pretty much think Krieg's insane – He's a psycho, after all. And based on the way he acted and the things he said, he clearly didn't really have a mind. That was the whole point of psychos, right?

Well, Maya didn't seem to think so. She always tried communicating with him, even though he was only able to reply with stuff about meat bicycles and nipple salads and...poop trains and – Well, yeah. That was really it. Weird stuff. But she never really stopped trying to get him to say normal things – And sometimes, he almost did.

You charge forward, with the others, all shooting at the same last one. He goes down not a second later, and looking around, it really seemed to be over. You stop for a moment, panting and wiping the sweat from your brow.

And...Not a second later there's more.

Goddammit.

"That was BRUTAL! Where's the ref?"

Your SMG's out of ammo, so you switch to your shotgun again, running to where Axton was...Because there were a ton of them on that side. That was the only reason why, okay?

"Hey!" You call, out of breath, shooting at one that was coming from his right. He jumps, only noticing when you kill him, and looking at you, giving a small chuckle before going to shoot another.

"Hey!" He replies, though he doesn't make eye contact, as he's looking through the scope of his sniper rifle, shooting one that was about to hit Zer0, "Fancy meeting you here. Nice shot, by the way."

"Thanks!" You reply, killing another in one shot. You were such a BA.

"The Vault Hunter's chewing through waves like a fat kid through a cookie store! NOW I WANT COOKIES!"

"Hey, you wanna grab some cookies after this?" You call to Axton.

"Hell yeah!" He replies, noticeably grinning.

"It's the final wave! Don't die now!" Torgue calls, and you're pumped up now. This was it, kill the rest, and you guys would be like, totally a bit further to being Pandora's Number 1 badass, even if it only ranked you, like, one lower. It'd still be something...! What!

Unprofessional, you decide to take this opportunity to run about and let the others know about the upcoming cookie escapade. This was important. You take out two on the way to Maya.

You're behind her now, and you're doing one of those cool back-to-back shooting things.

"Hey, we're doing cookies after this! You in?"

"That sounds like fun," She calls, smiling as she throws an explosive grenade, taking out two at once. You dash over to Zer0, and tell him the same thing.

":D" Appears on his helmet. Cute. You jump to dodge a bullet, and like a slow motion movie, you swear you see the thing fly right underneath your feet. So fucking cool! You're at Salvador's side now, and you lean down, to match his height.

"Hey, we're getting cookies after this! Sound good?"

"Aha, cookies!" He yells, gunserking all at the same time, "Gracias, amigo!"

You're about to run over to Krieg, but you're seriously wondering if that's a good idea or not.

Do it for Maya, you decide.

"Krieg!" You call, running over. He turns to look at you, and tilts his head, in a confused manner, "We're all gonna get some cookies after this, okay?"

He stares at you for a long time, and you're not entirely sure if you should say anything else or not. As you're about to walk away, he yells,

"ANUS COOKIE DOUGH!"

Well, uh, you'd take that as a yes.

"OH MY GOD, That was BADASS!" Torgue calls, and you look over, to see Axton and his lovely turret taking out an enormous amount of assholes. Nice. You quickly summon DT again, and watch as he flies over to – Wait, is that the last guy? All of you stop, and watch as he bitch slaps the dude, his super sweet digistruct claws killing him instantly! The crowd goes wild! And you've never in your life felt so, well, badass!

"DING DING DING. That's it – The Vault Hunter wins and has now LEAPED up to rank number FIVE on the leaderboards! MEEDLYMOW!"

Rank number five? Holy shit. You look around, desperately needing to fist bump someone! Zer0's the closest to you, and you decide to take your chances. You jog over, holding out your first,

"Fist bump?"

He stares at you for a while, or at least, looks in your general direction, before speaking in haiku.

"A fist bump sounds good/We are number five badass/We surely earned it," And with that, he bumps his fist to yours. Fucking awesome.

"Piston is proud of you. I've arranged for the stagehands to deliver some guns to you – Take them. Piston thinks this will be the start of a beautiful relationship," And with that, he echoes out. Creep. But hey, free guns, right?

You walk over to the chest, along with everyone else. It opens up, and -

"Pahahaha! I'm not going to share the Vault's prize with some no-name mercenaries. I am the greatest fighter who has ever lived. I will open the Vault myself. And you," The arena begins smoking, a green fog filling up the surrounding area, "Will get the hell out of my arena. That noise you're hearing is the arena filling up with Harmstrong gas. I've turned off the cameras – Just breathe deep and pass out. Like a good little coward."

Oh HELL no. You keep your mouth closed, holding your breath as you wave your arm and begin running for the exit. The others run behind you, and you all make it out.

You allow yourself to breathe again, and it comes out quite heavy. Holding your breath's a challenge, dude.

"What happened to the camera feed? Why do I hear gas? Did somebody drag the Vault Hunter away? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!"

So, Torgue's flipping out, which is understandable. You look around at the others. The building you've ended up in is strange. There's a couple chests, some lockers, etc. You all stock up on ammo, sell a couple guns. Do the usual. There's a stairway, and you all make your way up. It leads you to a new floor that pretty much looks exactly the same – Probably because it's in the same room. No, literally, you could still see the previous floor from over the railing. However, - OH SHIT. Sorry. Lack of attention span. There's a dude shooting at you.

You grab your shotgun, reloading, as it was low on ammo – And quickly activating discord, as to not lose any stacks. Thank God for discord, seriously. You guys kill the dudes pretty quickly, and find a Fast Travel Station.

Of course, it just leads to the Badass Crater of Badassitude.

Time to continue on, you suppose. You'll need a new sponsor if you wanna win this shiz.

AN: hey guys! sorry i took a few days to get this up, tried to make this one a bit longer to make up for that. hope you enjoy!


End file.
